So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
