I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
