On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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