I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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