I have demons in me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
