I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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