What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
