my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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