I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
