Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
