Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
