david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
