Sponge bath it is.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
