my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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