Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
