He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I see more hoeing in ur future
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