If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
