i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so let's talk penis.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
