I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My cat gives me a boner
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize