hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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