Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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