I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
