I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
