We're like a lot better than the average bears
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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