ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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