I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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