Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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