There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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