I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize