she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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