Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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