Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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