I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
