I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
