your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
did you just send me my own nude
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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