yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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