i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
