Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
