So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
