So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
