so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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