the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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