i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
