If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
