Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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