I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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