Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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