You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize