If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
