mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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