A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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