Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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