I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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