I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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