I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
