Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize