I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
