Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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