well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
