she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
