I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
