If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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