i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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